EYEBROWS ELLSBURY
Some people might not think this stuff matters, but it does. And I know from first hand, eye witness, experience. The meteoric downfall of Josh Phelps is the great unknown. Whether he is a cancer in the clubhouse, whether he has a drinking or drug problem, whether he banged another players wife or another player is all speculation. What's not speculation is that on August 29-2002 Phelps took Roger Clemens deep twice, including a 500 level shot that gave the Jays the lead. I was there that day, imagining a bright future for the player and the club.
Phelps played out the season and was widely lauded to be the next great power threat. The sky was the limit for Phelps. He was going to be a Blue Jays cornerstone player for years to come. The Jays opened the next season at home against Roger Clemens and the Yankees. I was looking forward to Phelps taking Big Head deep again.
Clemens Hat Size-Now and Then
As Phelps dug into the batters box in the first inning, he was accordingly hit between the shoulder blades by an HGH induced fast ball. Phelps was 25 and should have been entering the prime of his career- we all know how that went. Yes that's right, I am crediting the the great downfall of Josh Phelps to Roger Clemens exploiting his weak mental state.
So not only did Halladay miss out on sending Jacoby Eyebrows Ellsbury a message, Jays fans are now going to suffer years of Eyebrows taking it to us. Another fucking young Red Sox player who you just want to beat the shit out of, piss on, and tear their rotator cuff from their shoulder. Eyebrows is almost as annoying as everyones favorite dickwad Papelbon, Dustin Pedroia -who's previous work included playing the Watto in the Men Without Hats hit video You Can Dance with a Watto, Clay, ugh-huh, ugh-huh, Buchholz, and John Lester (who like Mike Lowell I am barred from wishing instant career ending injury to due to their noble battles against cancer).
Clay, ugh-huh, ugh-huh, Buchholz
Anyway, the point is the Jays are done, their main competition have more money to spend and better prospects coming up, and we are one of three teams in all of baseball (along with the Orioles and D'Rays) who have no chance at making the playoffs until they expand the playoffs or go through with radical realignment. All I have left are the small pleasures of Jays pitchers hitting opposing players and ruining careers, but apparently this team doesn't have the heart to accomplish that simple task.
2 comments:
Lots of good stuff there, Razzer (the Watto reference is brilliant), but the good is overshadowed by two very big bads:
1. Enough with this nonsense about us never having a chance to compete, for God's sake. We finished ahead of Boston way way back in 2006, and this year teams like Seattle and Cleveland and Detroit all have similar records to the Yankees - if they can compete with the Yanks, why not us?
2. I'd have loved to see Doc plant one right between that little bastard's shoulder blades. But if you're implying that the Doctor lacks heart, well, my friend, you and I are gonna have words.
I should make it clear. Most years the two best teams in the AL are going to be New York and Boston. Every other team in the AL has the opportunity to be the third or fourth best team in the AL and make the playoffs. The Jays, Orioles and D'Rays don't. In order for the Jays or any other AL East team to make the playoffs they need one of the Sox or Yanks to have an off year.
The Sox and Yanks are also hurt by being in the same division and basically have 18 less games a year to get to the certain number of games over .500 that are needed to make the playoffs.
I fully believe that if we were working with a balanced schedule and a one group, top four make playoffs the Jays probably would have been in last year and would be in the thick of it this year.
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